Dilemma

I’ve been questioning my work choices of late. I’m really enjoying my Mistress sessions, and I’m getting more of those than ever. What I’m not so sure about is doing the submissive sessions. I’m finding I’m not enjoying them as much as I used to, and I almost hope that no one rings and books sessions with my submissive persona. Some of the sessions are ok; it’s just that I don’t know if I want to do them anymore. Of course the money is good, very good. But I never want to be a slave to the money. I feel like the submissive side is who I am at home, and I kind of don’t want to share that at work. I’m not the same at work as I am at home, as in I don’t give myself as much as I do to Master. It’s more like I play a role for the client, and yet I do have to give something of myself. But what bothers me is that it feels like I am sharing Master’s slave with other men, they are getting the privilege that they don’t deserve. They just pay for it. I liked playing the part before, but now I want to save it for my Master.

Then I think about all the other people I work with, most of them do both sub and dom. I think for most of them it supplements their income, and also there is a certain respect gained from doing both. But on the other side none of the other women are submissive to their partners in their personal life. They can come to work and be who they want and it’s not them. Whereas I feel like I’m sharing too much of me. Even though I know it’s my decision, I still get worried how it will look to the rest of the girls and how they will react. Also the owners won’t be happy since I won’t be bringing them as much money.

As you can tell I’m very confused and still have a lot to think about. I’ll keep you posted.